Parenting is VERY important

According to today topic>>Self & Personality,i think that,parenting are VERY important.Do u think so?

US parenting vs China parenting

Dear All,

A good article to share with you all on the style or way to develop a child in US family vs China family. Sorry to Bro Lye Hin, this article is in Mandarin.

儿子去美国留学,毕业后定居美国。还给我找了个洋媳妇苏
珊。 如今,小孙子托比已经3岁 了。今年夏天,儿子为我申请了探亲签证。在美国待了三个月,洋媳妇苏珊教育孩子的方法,令我这个中国婆婆大开眼界。

不吃饭就饿着

每天早上,托比醒来后,苏珊把早餐往餐桌上一放,就自顾自 地忙去了。托比会自己爬上凳子,喝牛奶,吃面包片。吃饱 后,他回自己的房间,在衣柜里找衣服、鞋子,再自己穿上。毕竟托比只有3岁,还搞不清楚子的正反面,分不清鞋子 的左右脚。有 一次托比又把裤子穿反了,我赶紧上前想帮他换,却被苏珊制止了。她说,如果他觉得不舒服,会自己脱下来,重新穿好; 如果他没觉得有什么不舒服,那就随他的便。那一整天,托比反 穿着裤子跑来跑去,苏姗像没看见一样。
又一 次,托比出去和邻居家的小朋友玩,没多大会就气喘吁吁地跑 回家,对苏珊说:“妈妈,露西说我的裤子 穿反了,真的吗?”露西是邻居家的小姑娘,今年5岁。 苏姗笑着说:“是的,你要不要换回来?”托 比点点头,自己脱下裤子,仔细看了看,重新穿上了。从那以 后,托比再也没穿反过裤子。
我不禁想起,我的外孙女五六岁时不会用筷子,上小学时不会 系鞋带。如今在上寄宿制初中的她,每个周末都要带回家一大堆 脏衣服呢。

一天中午,托比闹情绪,不肯吃饭。苏珊说了他几句,愤怒地 小托比一把将盘子推到了地上,盘子里的食物洒了一地。苏 姗看着托比,认真地说:“看来你确实不想吃饭!记住,从现在到明天早上,你什么都不能吃。”托比点点头,坚定地回答:“Yes!”我 在心里暗笑,这母子俩,还都挺倔!
下午,苏珊和我商量,晚上由我 做中国菜。我心领神会,托比告别爱吃中国菜,一定是苏珊觉得托比中午没好好吃饭,想让他晚上多吃点儿。
那天晚上我施展厨艺,做了托比最爱吃的糖醋里脊、油闷大虾, 还用意大利面做了中国式的凉面。托比最喜欢吃那种凉面,小小 的人可以吃满满一大盘。
开始吃晚饭了,托比欢天喜地地爬上凳子。苏珊却走过来,拿 走了他的盘子和刀叉,说:“我们已经约好 了,今天你不能吃饭,你自己也答应了的。”托比看着面容严肃的妈妈,“哇”地一声在哭起来,边哭边说:“妈妈,我饿,我要吃饭。”“不行,说过的话要算数。”苏珊毫不心软。
我心疼了,想替托比求情,说点好话,却见儿子对我使眼色。 想起我刚到美国时,儿子就跟我说,在美国,父母教育孩子时, 别人千万不要插手,即使是长辈也不例外。无奈,我只好保持沉默。
那顿饭,从始至终,可怜的小托比一直 坐在玩具车里,眼巴巴地看着我们三个大人狼吞虎咽。我这才明白苏珊让我做中餐的真正用意。我相信,下一次,托比想发脾气扔饭碗时,一定会想起自己饿着肚子看爸爸妈妈和奶奶享用美食的经历。饿着肚子的滋味不好受,况 且还是面对自己最喜爱的食物。
临睡前,我和苏珊一起去向托比道晚安。托比小心翼翼地问: “妈妈,我很饿,现在我能吃中国面吗?”苏 珊微笑着摇摇头,坚决地说:“不!”托比叹了口气,又问:“那等我睡完觉睁开眼睛时,可以吃吗?”“当然可以。”苏珊温柔地回答。托比甜甜地笑了。
大部分情况下,托比吃饭都很积极,他不想因为“罢吃”而 错过食物,再受饿肚子的苦。每当看到托比埋头大口大口地吃 饭,嘴上脸上粘的都是食物时,我就想起外孙女。她像托比这么大时,为了哄她吃饭,几个大人端着饭 碗跟在她屁股后面跑,她还不买账,还要谈条件:吃完这碗买一个玩具,再吃一碗买一个玩具……

以其人之道,还治其人这身

有 一天,我们带托比去公园玩。很快,托比就和两个女孩儿玩起 了厨房游戏。塑料小锅、小铲子、小盘子、小碗摆了一地。 忽然,淘气的托比拿起小锅,使劲在一个女孩儿头上敲了一下,女孩儿愣了一下,放声大哭。另一个女孩儿年纪更小一些,见些情形,也被吓得大哭起来。大概托比没想到会有这么严重的后果,站在一旁,愣 住了。
苏珊走上前,开清了事情的来龙去脉后,她一声不吭,拿起小 锅,使劲敲到托比的头上,托比没防备,一下子跌坐在草地上, 哇哇大哭起来。苏珊问托比:“疼吗?下次还这样吗?”托比一边哭,一边拼命摇头。我相信他以后再也不会这么做了。
托比的舅舅送了他一辆浅蓝色的小自行车,托比非常喜欢,当 成宝贝,不许别人碰。邻居小姑娘露西是托比的好朋友,央求托 比好几次,要骑他的小车,托比都没答应。
一次,几个孩子一起玩时,露西趁托比不注意,偷偷骑上小车, 扬长而去。托比发现后,气愤地跑来向苏珊告状。苏珊正和几 个孩子的母亲一起聊天喝咖啡,便微笑着说:“你们的事情自己解决,妈妈可管不了。”托比无奈地走了。
过了一小会儿,露西骑着小车回来了。托比看到露西,一把将 她推倒在地,抢过了小车。露西坐在地上大哭起来。苏珊抱起露 西,安抚了她一会儿。很快,露西就和别的小朋友兴高采烈地玩了起来。
托比自己骑了会车,觉得有些无聊, 看到那几个孩子玩得那么高兴,他想加入,又觉得有些不好意思。他蹭到苏珊身边,嘟囔道:“妈妈,我想跟露西他们一起玩。”苏珊不动声色地说:“那 你自己去找他们啦!”“妈妈,你陪我一起去。”托 比恳求道。“那可不行,刚才是你把露西弄哭的,现在你又想和 大家玩,就得自己去解决问题。”
托比骑着小车慢慢靠近露西,快到她身边时,又掉头回来。来 回好几次,不知道从什么时候开始,托比和露西又笑逐颜开,闹 成了一团。

管教孩子是父母的事

苏珊的父母住在加利福尼亚州,听说我来了,两人开车来探望 我们。家里来了客人,托比很兴奋,跑上跑下地乱窜。他把 玩沙子用的小桶装满了水,提着小桶在屋里四处转悠。苏珊警告了她好几次,不要把水洒到地板上,托比置若罔闻。最后,托比还是把水桶弄倒了,水洒了一地。兴奋的小托比不觉得自己做错了事,还得意地光 着脚丫踩水玩,把裤子全弄湿了。我连忙找出拖把准备拖地。苏珊从我手中抢过拖把交给托比,对他说:“把 地拖干,把湿衣服脱下来,自己洗干净。”托比不愿意,又哭又闹。苏珊二话不说,直接把他拉到贮藏 室,关了禁闭。听到托比在里面发出惊天动地的哭喊,我心疼坏了,想进去把他抱出来。托比的外婆却拦住我,说:“这是苏 珊的事。”
过了一会儿,托比不哭了,他在贮藏室里大声喊:“妈 妈,我错了。”苏珊站在门外,问:“那你知 道该怎么做了吗?”“我知道。”苏珊打开门,托比从贮藏室走出来,脸上还挂着两行泪珠。他拿起有他 两个高的拖把吃力地把地上的水拖干净。然后,他脱下裤子,拎 在手上,光着屁股走进洗手间,稀里哗 啦地洗起衣服来。
托比的外公外婆看着表情惊异的我,意味深长地笑 了。这件事让我感触颇深。在很多中国家庭,父母管教孩子时,常常会引起“世界大战”,往往是外婆外公护,爷爷奶奶拦,夫妻吵架,鸡飞狗跳。
后来,我和 托比的外公外婆聊天时,提到这件事,托比的外公说了一段话, 让我印象深刻。他说,孩子是父母的孩子,首先要尊重父 母对孩子的教育方式。孩子虽然小,却是天生的外交家,当他看到家庭成员之间出现分歧时,他会很聪明地钻空子。这不仅对改善他的行为毫无益处,反而会导致问题越来越严重,甚至带来更多别的问题。而 且,家庭成员之间发生冲突,不和谐的家庭氛围会带给孩子更多的不安全感,对孩子的心理发展产生不利影响。所以,无 论是父辈与祖辈在教育孩子的问题上发生分 歧,还是夫妻两人的教育观念有差异,都不能在孩子面前发生冲突。
托比的外公外婆在家里住了一周,准备回加利福尼亚了。临走 前两天,托比的外公郑重地问女儿:“托比想 要一辆玩具挖掘机,我可以买给他吗?”苏珊想了想,说:“你们这次来,已经送给他一双旱冰鞋作为礼物了,到圣诞节时,再买玩具挖掘机当礼物送给他吧!”
我不知道托比的外公是怎么告诉小家伙的,后来我带托比去超 市,他指着玩具挖掘机说:“外公说,圣诞节 时,给我买这个当礼物。”语气里满是欣喜和期待。
虽然苏珊对托比如此严格,托比去却对妈妈爱得不得了。他在 外面玩时,会采集一些好看的小花或者他认为漂亮的叶子, 郑重其事地送给妈妈;别人送给他礼物,他会叫妈妈和他一起拆开;有什么好吃的,也总要留一半给妈妈。

想到很多中国孩子对父母的漠视与冷淡,我不得不佩服我的洋 媳妇。在我看来,在教育孩子的问题上,美国妈妈有很多值得中 国妈妈学习的地方。

Parenting

I had a friend who adopted a baby son. Since that very day she had tried her best to educate this child at her utmost ability as a mother. Till now, her son(10yrs)still cannot cope well with his studies. He had a keen interest in play. Is it because of his hereditary genes or nurture by the environment?

waichengchan's picture

CD-Re: Parenting

Dear sis Celine and all,
Instead of worries and focus too much on the academic achievement, probably the parents could try to discover the real interest and develop the potential talent of the child instead ?
When i was young before age of 30,the formula of my "ruler of measurement" is "Academic success = individual success" until i am seeing a lot of great examples/role models around me that lead me to look at it from different view.....

regards
waicheng

Parenting

Dear Sis,
Amituofo.
I thinking educating parent is very important for child development in additional to influent from teacher.

Even I came from a very poor family and my mum is non educated, she contribute a lot for our development and ensure the children having right education and moral development.

With regards,
Gaik Yen

Psychosocial development

hi celine

I think the enviromental cause more influences

The child had missed the stages of Industriouness (age 6--12) under psychosocial development .

As according to eric ericson, each stage of development was focusing on overcoming a conflict & create the abilities to adapt to later stage of development

If both the parent & child manage well the stage of Industriouness, it will create basic strength of competence , whereby child develope cognitive abilities in pursuing & completing tasks.

Failure in that stage of developement will develope feeling of inferiority & inadequacy.

Response to Sis Celine

Dear Sis Celine,
I am also got friends having adoption of son/daughter, one of my friend's son is very weak in exam even my frinds as parent (father is engineer and mother is accountant)are trying very hard to educate their son, the boy is not interested in study at all but interests in other non-study related activity. Hence I guess one of the factor may be caused by genetic even that is not 100%.

With regards,
Gaik yen

waichengchan's picture

CD-re :Parenting is very important ?

Dear All,
I agreed that parent is the one that should be accoutable for the development of a child. However, it is not the parents themselves that are responsible for the development process along the way. As a parent, i wish that i would fully responsible and not only accoutable, but there are so much external factors around that is out of one's capability to manage upon our expectations. This is especially true today for working parents that left for no choice but would have to place their trust on caregivers and especially teachers in school/nursery to help out. Unless there is a close partnership among the parents, teachers and caregivers that are consistent in their believe and share the same passions, then it would be possible to build a positive structure for the children.

Get grandparents involved.

Dear Wai Cheng,

Have you considered getting your parents and your husband's parents involved in the care of your child(ren) instead of leaving to other care-givers you don't really know about (except for Than Hsiang Kindy teachers, of course).

Please don't discount the grand-parents as capable care-givers. After all, you only have to look at yourselves to know how well both you and your husband were brought up. In fact, they would be better at parenting now, after having experimented on you, hahaha. I'm speaking through experience here, both as a grand-parent and because my mother helped to raised my two boys.

The best option, of course, is to do it yourself, then all those external factors you mentioned would be a non-issue. Are you prepared to give up your career for your child(ren)? Just remember that neither answer is correct or incorrect. It very much depends on you and your personality schema.

Amituofo,
Lyehin

waichengchan's picture

Re : Bro LyeHin's suggestion re getting grandparents involved

Dear Bro Lye Hin,
Thanks for your suggestion. While in fact, my child is all the while being taken care by my parents as well as my hubby’s aunties.(equivalent of parents). We send our child for half day nursery and the other half is alternatively with the grandparents and grand aunties/uncle. I only sent him to nursery when he was 4 years old. The main reason for sending him to nursery was merely to make sure that he is exposed to “external world” and be able to socialize with others as being the only/1st grandchild in both families, I wanna make sure that the “risk” of being “self centered” would be “mitigated” . While regarding another of your suggestion for myself to give up the career and focus on raising the children, I was once having the thoughts too after my delivery within the 1st 2 months. However, I have to admit that being a full time mother could probably be a good option for consideration , but definitely not for being a full time house wife. These would have no ways meeting my passion of life nor meeting my “aggressiveness” mode for the passion I have for too many things including my work etc.:-P

Parenting is important

Dear Hooi Imm,

Yes, I agree. But do these parents have the same thoughts as we(teachers)are? Would parents these days heed the teachers advise and guide these innocent kids to the right path?

Educating parents

If a child score zero in his or her spelling and the parent of that particular child wrote a remark "very good" and signed the spelling book.What is your opinion on this issue?

Educating parents

Hi my Dear Celine,

Well, congratulate to the parent because actually they are praising themselves!
At least we can easily solve this issue, by taking immediate action, we share opinion with parent
by asking : What is ur opinion on this issue? Don't forget we are teacher, teaching is our
duty and resposibility, then remind the parent that they are the FIRST teacher to their child!!!

Parenting is Important

Dear All,
Amituofo.
I think the most effective way is through positive parenting talk/program from time to time to re-educate parents in order to "rescue" our future children.

Parenting is Important

Hi Dear All,

We should focus on children, the effectiveness :-
CHILDREN educate their parents, BUT
must be right thought, right view, right speech, right attitude,
right mindfulness, right concentration, right livelihood, right effort.

Practicing........

parents is role model for thier childrean

parents is the role model for thier children ..
*so like father like son*
like teacher Sujata said..< parents must gv the right thought, right view, right speech, right attitude,
right mindfulness, right concentration, right livelihood, right effort to thier children>

Parenting

Nowaday, parents are expecting teacher to teach their children. Most of the parents are busy with their working life until no time to play with their children, no time to chit chat with their children, no time to know more on their children's thought.

Here, I received a call from a father that he try to meet all the children needs, even his child not request for. He don't want his child have any accident, so he buy a car for his son. His son want to study in engineering, but he felt that engineering course is too hard to study. He felt that his son can't cope the stress, so he rather reject the son request and let his son study business. He felt business is more easier than engineering. This is all the thought from this father. He not trying to know more about what inside his son's brain. But this father expect his son to independance now as now the son already 18 yrs old. But he do not give a chance to let the child independace.
Some more this father always score him useless. This is an example that the children may grow up become useless person, agree?

Parenting

Dear sis Bee Hui,
I think this parent is over protecting his son and his word "useless" might hurt the feelings of his 18yrs old son. To me, the child have the right to have his of her opinion at times. We as a parent give a lending ear and advise. Let the child had a fall and thats where they get up and learn.

Parenting

Dear Sis Bee Hui,
Parent should provide an opportunity to son/daughter to make certain decison, not making all the decison to son/daughter. This will help to train the children in thinking process and be independant as well.

With regards,
Gaik Yen

Parenting

Dear Sis Gaik Yen,

I agree you that parents should provide opportunity to children to made decision themselves. But I think parents nowaday over protect their child, child become depend on their parents.

Best Regards,

Bee Hui